He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
