I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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