im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
