went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
