Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
