You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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