meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
