if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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