It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
