I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
