you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
