I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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