Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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