guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
