just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
