what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize