I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
