Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
