That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
