What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
