Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
