Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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