false alarm. still invincible.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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