i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
