I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
