I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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