You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
