..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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