yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
