matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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