She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
