Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
