i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
