i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
