i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
