No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
