I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
