We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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