Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
where are you?
Hypothermia
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
