4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My dick has a subreddit
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
