Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
