Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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