Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
