You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
