No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
