nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
