I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
