I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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