I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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