I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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