Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
