Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
