Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
