I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
