That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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