Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
