Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
