he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
