Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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