his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sorry about my life...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
