OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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