I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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