mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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