like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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