we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
